I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
