Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Randomize
