It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
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And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
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We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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