Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
