well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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