Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
