how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
