So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Randomize
