I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
