Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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