I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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