There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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