I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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