On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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