I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
