Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
