I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You have to summon your inner elephant
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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