Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
