My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
