we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
