is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
