I need help removing her.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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