is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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