Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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