my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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