I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
