So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
