you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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