8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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