That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
