you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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