You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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