Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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