Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
