my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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