I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
