I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
