Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
