i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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