when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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