did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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