I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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