So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
