I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
