Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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