A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
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