Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
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