One girl and one boy is just not enough.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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