Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
