I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
