i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
