plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
