Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
