can we get nightvision for the apartment?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
