I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
