Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
