I cannot find my penis.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
