whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
