He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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